Showing posts with label Banter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Banter. Show all posts

Wednesday, 15 October 2008


Friday, 19 September 2008

Why TB loves NewsBiscuit.

U.S nationalisation threatens new Cold War with capitalist Russia

Russia has condemned the left-wing and inherently ‘un-capitalist’ intervention of the American government in the free market after the state takeover of a number of US banks and mortgage companies.

‘It’s goddamn Communism, period!’ said a spokesman for the Kremlin. Once them politicians start trying to run the banks and markets, them no-good Commies will be taking over everything. Why do you think there are so many billionaires in Russia? Because of the very economic freedoms that the United Soviet States of America are trying to stop.’

However in Washington, the lurch to the left continued. Wearing a little furry hat and a lot of medals, Comrade George Bush waved rather feebly on the balcony of the Glorious People’s White House and later gave a seven hour speech demanding more state control of the financial markets and for his cabinet to have bushier eye-brows. ‘All power to the glorious Soviets!’ he declared ‘We will strengthen our base in Communist Cuba!’

However politcal analysts have said that it is over simplistic to describe the current situation as a straight forward reversal of the last Cold War. ‘I, mean it’s not as if America has invaded Afghanistan or anything. Oh, hang on…’


Tuesday, 16 September 2008

15 reasons to vote for Steve Ricketts.

Steve Ricketts could strangle you with a cordless phone.

When the bogeyman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Steve.

The dark is scared of Steve Ricketts.

Steve Ricketts doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Steve Ricketts once killed a lion with his bare hands.

Steve Ricketts can make a woman climax just by looking at her and shouting ALLAH!

Steve Ricketts once won a game of connect 4 in 2 moves.

If you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be because Steve allowed you to.

Steve Ricketts dosent sleep, he waits.

When Steve Ricketts does push ups, he’s actually pushing the ground down.

The Argies surrendered Port Stanley when the heard that Steve Ricketts had been born.

Steve Ricketts is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man just ate a Jeep.

Steve Ricketts drowned a fish.

Death once had a near-Steve Ricketts experience.

Steve Ricketts died 5 years ago, Death never had the balls to tell him.

Steve Ricketts once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Rickett's calander goes stright from 31st of March to the 2nd of April……No one fools the Pirate!

Good to see they are working hard...

Les Misbarack...genius.

Monday, 15 September 2008

Spinners and Losers...

If you haven't already, TB suggests you check out

London Spin
. Over the last few days TB has pissed himself laughing at the constant youtube updates of the emerging and developing stories about CF. They are truely hilarious.

In the last few days we have had Lord of the Reforms, Star Wars NME and here is Steve Rickett's "First Campaign Video":

This Frank guy who is the editor is a funny chap.

Friday, 12 September 2008

Caption Contest #67

Fantastic piece by Jonathan Isaby over at
Three Line Whip

TB still doesn't know why they didn't make BackBoris condom holders...

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Tears, real tears of laughter....

Why does TB get the impression those words did not come from "Keeley"?

Hat-Tip -
Mr Eugenides

Cheers for the invite...

TB couldn't help but chuckle that the CF Area Chairman are holding their very own special

conference party

It's understood there will be rousing speeches about holding strong and fighting for survival...

UPDATE: News is reaching TB today that some sort of petition is in motion.

The Great Reform Act isn't going through without a fight.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Ouch... +++developing+++

That is pretty slick... very OTT and very very funny.

Who was really bored today?

It was emailed to TB by one mysterious Anthony Reedham - who unsuprisingly doesn't have Facebook.

They did however have access to the Area Chairman contact list...

They may be good with a Windows Movie Maker but they didn't hide their IP address very well.

UPDATE 2: Christian May: "
This person should spend a bit more time campaigning and a little less time sitting in his mother's basement making conspiracy videos."

TB can't stop laughing.... ahhh the music.

The Green Team

In a clear change in strategy from handing out windmill badges and using "bags-for-life" the new leader of the Green Party Caroline Lucas is clearly stamping her changes on the membership and wider public with the release of this video:

Seems the enviro-fascists are stepping up a gear...

Friday, 29 August 2008

The fight back begins...
has been registered...

Shame she has a slightly irratating voice...

Thursday, 28 August 2008


One for TB's buddy

Monday, 25 August 2008

Press Release: If you go down to the beach today...

He walked bare-foot along the beach, paw-in-paw with his wife Mrs Bear, as temperatures soared.

Dressed in trendy shorts and a blue t-shirt, Tory Bear hardly drew a glance from the hundreds of holidaymakers enjoying the sun and sea as the summer began in earnest.

Talking of his shorts on a radio station last week, Tory Bear said; “I think Mrs Bear bought them; I think they’re quite nice. They’re Boden, that catalogue company. She said, ‘You need some shorts’, and she makes the major decisions, of course. They’re all right, aren’t they?”

An onlooker, impressed that the power couple looked so at home on the beach, said:

“It was great to see them having a normal family holiday. They looked so happy and relaxed, so different from the stage-managed photo-calls they often appear at. Tory Bear was having a go at body surfing and his wife enjoyed playing with the baby bears.”

Tory Bear certainly gave surfer dudes a run for their money. Trading his bike for a bodyboard it seems he’s in pretty good shape and doesn’t mind flexing his pecs.

### Ends ###

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Land of Hope and Glory

Donal Blaney

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Letters from America 2

TB's source across the pond got in touch again to offer another instalment of gossip from the Young Britons' Foundation USA Lads/Ladettes On Tour Activist Training 2008....

After Oliver Cooper's previous "activities" on the first half of the trip in Washington, TB learns that fellow travellers also did their best to cement the Special Relationship in their own special way. Indeed the late night antics of YBF's very own Christian May so offended a religious nutter that he is currently receiving hate mail for his 'lack of Christian morals."

Indeed Oliver "the stud" Cooper managed to ensnare his second American lady of the trip - something my co-conspirator tells me he'd be hard pressed to do back home. TB has been promised and will be publishing a special USA Totty-Watch in a couple of days. He is reliably informed it is worth the wait but we shall see eh boys?

But it hasn't all be McLovin, indeed there was a distinct lack of love and harmony yesterday between Joseph Lynch and Ed "ZanuCF" Hallam. While two YBFers frolicked in the pool, Lynch pushed Hallam in - fully suited and holding his phone, cash and passport etc…

TB understands that Lynch's punishment will involve some kind of waterboarding.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

"we must put our country's interest first"

Hilarious story on the
BBC website

Monday, 11 August 2008

The Ed Hallam Phenomenon

Not content with his new position as Chair of CLWCF it seems Ed Hallam is already preparing for his next "election":


Lets hope he remembers his YBF training...

Nod to
Iain Dale
for the software.

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Letters from America

Donal Blaney is leading his annual jaunt across the pond at the moment. This time students of the Young Britons Foundation have enjoyed an exclusive tour of the White House, (surely the last for eight years if Obama wins?) as well as having fantastic courses in media training, TV technique, campus activism and campaign technology. All of this can be deployed in the UK to expand CF's presence and activity.

However one young delegate has got himself into a little trouble it seems – nothing like a good sex scandal to further Anglo-American relations. A co-conspirator across the pond has got in touch with this little tale…

While the YBFers stay at George Washington University, Oliver Cooper has taken a leaf out of Hugh Grant or even Clinton's book and much to the apparent surprise of the other delegates, has shacked up with "the hottest girl".

This developing special relationship was however nearly over before it had fully bloomed…

Mr Cooper, 21, a leading UCL Tory, was caught and reprimanded by campus security for "indecent exposure" relating to what can only be described for some sort of naughtiness that took place late a night on a park bench…

The young lovers were escorted back to their separate dorms.


TB is waiting for a photo of the "hotty" - go on send it someone...

Monday, 4 August 2008

By popular request...

Yes he really is called
Randy Gaylord

Hat Tip - The "Barrister"

Cheap gin and Travelodges

(click photos to enlarge)

picked up on a pretty significant point raised in the CF
FT article

So what did Tory Bear think?

Essentially this was a positive piece and dare it be said, an accurate portrayal of the how things are going in the CF world at the moment - there is a still a small old school possie and it's inevitable that this would get a nod. Let us not forget that this is the FT we are talking about- for the last few years it has been resolutely anti-Conservative and is the most pro-European of the Fleet Street rags. A couple of cheap shots aside, (plus the odd factual inaccuracy... A little harsh to describe the "sound" faction of the FCS as the ones with "eye-watering" extreme policy. That would have been the authoritarians surely?) it could have been a lot worse!

CF comes of pretty well - bar a few extraordinary clangers and the justified attack by Blackhurst on the usual cringefully obvious careerism that is the dark-side of CF. Unsurprisingly this is directed at one member and TB will leave you to work out who, lets just say had they had been born ten years earlier...

There is a definite element of gentle piss-taking involved- TB wishes he remembered Thatcher!

We should take pieces like this and learn from them. Next time CFers are in the presence of journos maybe keep the snuff in the jacket pocket, maybe not talk about getting naked and for fuck sake make your photos private on Facebook to avoid the likes of "Their social networking pages show pictures of an England of Pimm's, polo and county shows."

Michael was absolutely bang on with his description of the average member and comes of very well in the piece. Up until the very end (with the final paragraph reeking of editorial influence,) the piece does not go on a full out attack.

The member of the NME who threatened to resign over this is worrying too much... at the end of the day very few people read the FT weekend magazine!

Given what TB has heard of the drunken evenings spent with Rob Blackhurst from the FT this could have been a much worse piece, but TB believes it to be fair.

"...they can smell victory - and they want it very badly"