TB's two cents:

Here is what got in The Standard:

PARLIAMENT has been at its lowest ebb for a century, but MPs on the
Government benches queued up to elect a Speaker for the sake of a cheap
shot at a blue team goaded by his enthusiasm for New Labour.
John Bercow is no “reformer” but one the worst of the expenses abusers. He
has paid back thousands that he avoided paying in capital gains tax, and he
topped the list of claimants of the Additional Costs Allowance in 2007-8
and 2006-7.

But then none of the candidates for the Speakership has a genuinely good
track record when both personal expenses and support for making the Commons
more transparent are considered. All had the opportunity to throw their
weight behind moves such as the Freedom of Information Act being applied to
MPs and measures that would require more scrutiny of their expenses. On the
four occasions they could have voted on these matters, however, none voted for them all.

The election of a new Speaker was a chance for MPs to show us that they
had understood the anger they have caused, and they have blown it. Now
Bercow has 10 months to pleasantly surprise the real reformers by leaving
behind his politicking in the tea rooms and starting to listen and talk to
the public instead.

The Fencepost Tortoise

While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Devon farmer, who cut it on a gate whilst working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Gordon Brown and his appointment as Prime Minister.
"Well, you know," drawled the old farmer, "this Brown fellow is what they call a "fencepost tortoise".

Not being familiar with the term the doctor asked him what a "fencepost tortoise" was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top - that's called a fencepost tortoise."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there and you just have to wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the first place."

Tip of the Hat to the Silver Fox

New Speaker, New Danger

This is the much longer, angrier, uncut version of a letter TB just wrote for today's Standard:

In the "halfpint is half full" sort of way, TB is attempting to look for a positive side to the election of Bercow. Maybe there is a lesson here for everyone- ruthless ambition wins the day. Nice guys finish last. If at first you don't succeed, whore yourself to Harman. And to think Labour once had the audacity to describe Dave as a chameleon.

So ten years hard work has paid off of for the Member for Buckingham, little Johnny has got what he wanted. If there is one positive message to come out of this result but it's pretty long winded and fairly tenuous. The election of John Bercow perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with the Labour Party and is the undeniable proof that they are unfit for government. Parliament has been at its lowest ebb for a century and this election was a chance, a real chance, for the six hundred odd men and woman that we, for better or for worse, put our blind faith in to represent us. This was a chance to show the country that they understood the anger and rage that is out there. Instead the Labour Party, in true fashion, decided to play political games.

Bercow wasn't the best candidate, he isn't clean and he sure as hell isn't honest. Let it not be forgotten that he has paid thousands of pounds back that he avoided paying in capital gains tax, an offence that has cost the careers of fellow MPs such as Kitty Usher. Not only that but Bercow topped the list of claimers of the Second Home Allowance and is paid around £35k to serve as an advisor to a Cayman Island healthcare company. Everything that the House needed has been spat back in the face of the voters. Labour danced with the devil, have been charmed by a snake, and all for the sake of a cheap shot at the blue team. Thankfully Dave didn't give them any satisfaction. From the Commons gallery TB watched as he and Bercow exchanged words before the result and it was DC that did his classic Blair-just-quit-every-backbencher-get-up-now-or- there-will-be-hell-to-pay turn and wave the troops to stand trick. (Incidentally TB is fairly sure the MP elected Speaker was meant to be dragged to the Chair. Bercow was up there like a greyhound. He was dragging the draggers.)

The members of the Parliamentary Labour Party are not statesman, they clearly do not understand the House and the dignity required to sit in it. For what it's worth Bercow gave a better than expected speech and seemed to realise the challenges that now face him. Ignoring half the House was Martin’s downfall and TB hopes Bercow is a little smarter. He's still a slippery little turd polisher, but to be fair, he has reached the top of his chosen greasy pole and nothing, this side of an election, can be done about it. The anger will subside and everyone has to knuckle down and make the best of a bad situation.

Parliament is crying out for change and frankly the first thing required is a general election. The green benches are too full with crooks and thieves and liars, fitting that they would crown a king of troughers in these troubled times. Whatever he has said in the last few months, Bercow is no reformer. He has been one of the worst troughers and he has yet another serious change to under go. It can be done. Hell it must be done.

TB wishes the new Speaker the best of luck. He'll bloody need it.

Where's Wally?

Tip of the Hat to Disco Biscuit.

Quote of the Day:

"Yes, it is quite extraordinary to think that the Prime Minister can make the time and effort to telephone both Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan, the two judges on ITV's Britain's Got Talent, to check on the health of a TV show contestant, but he wouldn't contact families waiting to learn the fate of their sons kidnapped in Iraq. I'm not surprised though. They don't give a damn."

Graeme Moore

Pissheads for Labour

This just pinged into TB's inbox. At least someone still loves Gordon:



Don't know what this guy is smoking but it's messing with his head.

Bertie

Bertie the cat hadn't too been well in the last few weeks and sadly he didn't make it through the weekend. TB was away and has come home to a very empty sofa. He was very old though, here he is a couple of years ago, doing what he did best - taking it very easy:

A legend of a cat.

All political careers end in failure...

...and occasionally

they can end

with jail-time:



TB hears that Devine's mobile is off.

DJ For Change

So TB ventured out of his normal comfort zone last night for a friend's birthday and headed for a night out in Brixton. It wasn't quite what he was expecting, but it wasn't the strange combination of serious dance fans and wannabe "rah-vers" that stood out. Towards the end of the night TB clocked what one of the

DJs

was wearing:

Is that... no surely not. Let's have a closer look...

Is that one of the vintage CF Boris t-shirts?

Yep it has to be said that the detoxification of the Conservative Party brand is 100% complete when a DJ can wear a blatently Tory t-shirt in a Brixton club and not one mashed raver batted an eyelid.

Back in the morning...

Off to Brixton tonight

... Busy day afternoon tomorrow.

Scottish MPs to own.

Having spent four years in the northern wilderness, TB has been waiting a while to hit the London party scene again. He will be reporting back and as the story below from today's

Standard diary

shows, some of these reports might not necessarily surface here first:

The Little Blue Book will become a regular feature... If you want TB to come to your event, party, lash up etc then get in touch.

Pot, Kettle, Fat.

Bit rich for George Foulkes to be lecturing Alex Salmond about claiming for food isn't it? Foulkes has done another one of his cringe worthy video blogs today where he lays into the expenses claims by SNP leader Alex Salmond. Given the extremely dodgy connections Foulkes has to various outside interests and the fact he claims multiple salaries at the taxpayers expense, AND the fact that he was the only person that would go on TV to defend the disgraced Michael Martin, doesn't really give him a leg to stand on.

Watch the video

here

if you have nothing better to do and are in a particularly masochistic mood.

Galloway Backs Boris

Good spot by the

TYC

, it seems those CF taxi receipts went far...

50 + 50 = 200

Think the maths says it all in this claim from Ian Stewart MP:

Jesus wept.

Sedition

PA are

reporting

a new low in the disgraceful behaviour of everyone's favourite jumped up pressure group - the Scottish National Party. They have been accused of "airbrushing" the Queen from a photograph of a group of nationalist traitors in a town council chamber. The "doctored" picture appears in an SNP leaflet being distributed in the Falkirk area, according to Labour. It captures Falkirk West MSP Michael Matheson and an array of SNP heavies in the town's council chamber.

Rumour has it they replaced Her Majesty with images of the terrorist known as William Wallace.

Ben Bradshaw has an attitude problem...

TB is wondering exactly how buying some train reading at Exeter station, in the shape of

Attitude

magazine helped Ben Bradshaw MP with his parliamentary duties...?

P75

here

.

TB is working on some more serious, potentially criminal, larger scandals, but will try keep the smaller, funnier stuff coming.

Yawn...

TB work up with a bit of a groggy head this morning thanks to cocktails with a pretty lady.

Couldn't have asked for a nice hangover gift though:

Enjoy.

Calling all citizen journos...

At some point today the Parliamentary website will make five thousand odd .pdfs available of MPs expense claims and receipts. Although it is expected that these will be heavily censored, there may well yet be some things that the Telegraph have missed. Citizen journalists and wannabees out there - this is a golden opportunity.

TB sadly can't afford to take a whole room full of interns and researchers like the newspapers can, but that isn't to say that there can't be some fun to be had. If you fancy having a look through any of the stuff, why not email TB anything of interest or note that you find. Any MP you particuarly loath? Why not sniff around what they have been up to.

You can email TB here and if you think it's really juicy, send him your mobile number and he will give you a call straight back. TB has the facilities to get the stories out there to thousands of readers and push them further to the right places, (you never know you could even make a bit of cash if they can be sold onto newspapers, however as far as the bear is concerned, this is about lancing a boil, not taking advantage of an ill wind.)

So get sifting through the stuff.

Another Window Dressing Resignation

Kitty Ussher who, along with Caroline Flint, was one of the only vaguely attractive females in the government quit last night. Apparently she wants to spend more time with her family etc. Bear in mind this comes just twelve days after taking up a job in government.

She may look alright after a couple of pints, but that doesn't stop her being a

cheat and a liar

.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

A little birdy told TB that Jim Devine won't still be smiling on Sunday morning.