Health and Safety halts democracy...

As Guido

reported earlier

Parliament was evacuated. 

TB's Parliamentary mole can reveal the reason for this emergency action...

A dodgy light fitting considered to be a risk.

No thank you...

This morning Jacqui Smith

unveiled

the new billion dollar biometric, big-brother , were big - you're small, we're right - you're wrong, "Achtung! vhere are your papers !" ID Cards.

TB will let Boris take it from here...



What will you do with yours?

How to run a bath....

It seems Team Gordo has cocked up again in it's handling of the Ruth Kelly resignation... If he can't even run his press operation, how is he meant to run the country?

TB is beginning to pity their ineptness

, so in a rare flash of generosity here is a simple instruction video...



Start with the basics shall we...

Poster banter continues...

Click the image to enlarge and read the the Edinburgh University's Student report of the "ruckus" at the Freshers Fair...

TB urges all student tories to cause trouble this year...

Ahhh lefty-baiting....

Last chance to get your party tickets...

Less than a week to go till TB's conference party... Make sure you take this chance to get your hands on the last few tickets if you haven't already. Use the paypal link on the right to secure your place on the list. Tickets are strictly limited and only available before the night...

Click to enlarge

(More infomation here)

Wrong city, wrong party, wrong year...

Now TB is a big fan of SkyNews and isn't one to talk about blogging pissed - some of his finest moments have come after the best part of a crate, but did Adam Boulton had a couple of glasses too many at lunch before Gordo's speech?

He seems to be a

little confused

to where he is...

Manchester mate.


UPDATE: Having spotted this story on the SkyNews website TB then went on Guido and seems he beat TB to it. Is there a word like hat-tip where you acknowledge the fact that you got a similar story unintentionally?

Peter Lyburn PPC

A TB exclusive:

Peter Lyburn of Tatler Top Ten Tory

Fame

has given an exclusive chat with TB. This weekend Pete was selected to fight the massively winnable Perth and North Perthshire seat, his home patch.

Speaking to TB last night, Pete, 24, said:

“Tory Bear mate, I’m bloody delighted. The chance to represent the area that I have grown up in, the people that I’ve grown up with is the most enormous privilege and responsibility. It’s going to be a phenomenal campaign and I want it to be fun as well.”

Win a Tory Bear T-Shirt by coming up with Pete’s slogan… Check out Perth and North Perthshire’s

website here

for inspiration.

The

voting data

from the last election can be found here… This is a very very winnable seat. DC has to win this constituency to be seen to be bouncing back in Scotland.

Pete will be setting up a blog in the next few weeks… watch this space…

He will offer a small insight into Scottish politics and the campaign at Tory Bear’s conference party – a week today.

Hurry up and buy your tickets and get involved…

Who's been sleeping in TB's bed...

TB is beginning to thinking this bear thing is going a little far...

On returning to his flat this morning after a weekend away, he walked into his bedroom to find not one, but two semi-naked Goldilocks in his bed. And they were twins...

Jackpot.

Caption Contest #45

Balls.

This makes the X-Factor look rehearsed...

It's day two in the chic boutique hotel and TB is watching the Labour Lovefest on his 52" plasma.

Speaker after speaker are standing up and embarrassing themselves. TB doesn't mean to sound offensive but it's quite a special carnival...

No longer are we the party of gimps. No longer are we the party of losers. No longer are we the nasty party...

It seems we have been replaced by a plethora of idiots....

Boris and his grand plans

TB choked on his bacon in his "boutique hotel" this morning as he overheard a conversation at breakfast about Boris's

idea

to close Heathrow and replace it with a super airport on...

The Isle of Sheppey:

Quote of the day:

"Well I suppose it's shit there anyway!"

Spot the Tories...

After his withering attack on LabourHome’s poll declaring that most of the party membership want Gordon Brown to leave office,

Luke Akehurst

has set up a group called "

We don’t want a Labour leadership election

"

Unfortunately for him it has,

like the poll

, been hijacked by Tories. Within its ranks are such well known-leftwingers as a former researcher to a Conservative MP, two Conservative Future chairmen and countless centre-right bloggers, including yours truly.

It's a sad day for any Labour Prime Minister when his only friends are members and supporters of the opposition.

Hat-Tip:

Benjamin Gray

Why TB loves NewsBiscuit.

U.S nationalisation threatens new Cold War with capitalist Russia

Russia has condemned the left-wing and inherently ‘un-capitalist’ intervention of the American government in the free market after the state takeover of a number of US banks and mortgage companies.

‘It’s goddamn Communism, period!’ said a spokesman for the Kremlin. Once them politicians start trying to run the banks and markets, them no-good Commies will be taking over everything. Why do you think there are so many billionaires in Russia? Because of the very economic freedoms that the United Soviet States of America are trying to stop.’

However in Washington, the lurch to the left continued. Wearing a little furry hat and a lot of medals, Comrade George Bush waved rather feebly on the balcony of the Glorious People’s White House and later gave a seven hour speech demanding more state control of the financial markets and for his cabinet to have bushier eye-brows. ‘All power to the glorious Soviets!’ he declared ‘We will strengthen our base in Communist Cuba!’

However politcal analysts have said that it is over simplistic to describe the current situation as a straight forward reversal of the last Cold War. ‘I, mean it’s not as if America has invaded Afghanistan or anything. Oh, hang on…’

Hat-Tip:
www.newsbiscuit.com

Boycott JK Rowling

So JK Rowling has just given a million pounds to the Labour Party because of their "track record of fighting child poverty." This sum is a mere small fraction of 1% of her wealth, and though we were told that the era of celebrity politics is over this is a nice stunt for day one of Labour's conference. All they need is another 20 JK Rowling sized donations and Labour might just get on the road to financial recovery...

This is a classic bit of spin, no one mentions the the fact that we will recognise marriage in the tax system. Taxes and benefits should encourage families to stay together, but the current system actually encourages couples to live apart. We will correct this by removing the anti-families bias, paying for it from our new Family Fund, into which all extra green taxes will be put. More than Rowling's personal friend Brown is doing.

No one mentions the fact that we will end the couple penalty in the tax credits system. Instead of keeping people on benefits and locked in a cycle of deprivation, we will support families. We will increase the Working Tax Credit that couples currently receive from £3,430 to £5,385 – an increase of up to £38 per week. This will cost £3 billion. 1.8 million of the poorest couples with children will gain, on average, £32 a week. The direct effect will be to lift 300,000 children in two-parent families out of poverty. We will pay for it from savings made through our radical programme of welfare reform. More than Brown is doing.

TB is glad now he has never read more than a page of the Harry Potter books she has churned out over the years...

Join him in his Facebook group campaign to boycott her work.

Everyone who has ever bought one of her books has now donated to the Labour Party.

No doubt now that she will end up in the House of Lords - Baroness Rowling of Hogwarts.

Busy Bear

TB is sorting out his new flat - internet, furniture etc so blogging will be light this weekend but exciting things coming up in the run up to conference...

+++Telegraph calls Marclar victory+++

Jonathon Isaby over at the

Telegraph

has all but tipped former CF Chairman Mark Clarke to take Tooting...

Sound.

Bunny Girls

TB is a little worried about this blog... He's a well behaved bear but uh oh...

Who are the bunnies?

Fun and games at the Freshers Fair

Having been up since seven sorting out a Freshers Fair, TB is exhausted.

Was a very eventful day - not just in the extremely successful recruitment drive. - Thank you to the kind providers of the huge Gordo cut-outs and the now infamous Serene John-Richards pointing banner.

Oh no the fun and games started after lunch when a pitchfork-brandishing, torch-burning hoard of unruly hippies descended on the Tory stall, picking twigs out of their hair and shouting.

It seems the "Life's better under a conservative..." poster caused a bit of stir. It was vandalised, torn down and there was quite a scene. Armed only with CF bottle openers and very colourful t-shirts, the bastion of freedom resisted the attack of the angry hoard of communist rebels.

Before anyone could say "Matt Drudge" the inquisitive and eager young hacks of the esteemed student newspaper were already on the scene.

TB gave them this statement:

"Well its common knowledge that right-wing girls are more attractive than their lefty counterparts so why not capitalise on that fact... As per usual the hippies have displayed their characteristic and famous lack of humour over this issue"

During a lull in the constant stream of freshers and seedy 3rd years loitering around the freshers, TB took a moment to go undercover to the deepest darkest corner of the room, that occupied by Labour Students...

Picked up all sorts of leaflets and invitations, anyone fancy coming to this?

Well next weeks student rag should make amusing reading, in the meantime TB is off to crash Labour Students "Champagne Socialism" reception. Guest speaker: Margaret Curran MSP - defeated Glasgow East by-election candidate. Will be sure to pass on all of your commiserations...

Will TB's cover be exposed...? sssssh don't tell.

15 reasons to vote for Steve Ricketts.

Steve Ricketts could strangle you with a cordless phone.

When the bogeyman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Steve.

The dark is scared of Steve Ricketts.

Steve Ricketts doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Steve Ricketts once killed a lion with his bare hands.

Steve Ricketts can make a woman climax just by looking at her and shouting ALLAH!

Steve Ricketts once won a game of connect 4 in 2 moves.

If you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be because Steve allowed you to.

Steve Ricketts dosent sleep, he waits.

When Steve Ricketts does push ups, he’s actually pushing the ground down.

The Argies surrendered Port Stanley when the heard that Steve Ricketts had been born.

Steve Ricketts is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man just ate a Jeep.

Steve Ricketts drowned a fish.

Death once had a near-Steve Ricketts experience.

Steve Ricketts died 5 years ago, Death never had the balls to tell him.

Steve Ricketts once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Rickett's calander goes stright from 31st of March to the 2nd of April……No one fools the Pirate!

Good to see they are working hard...

Les Misbarack...genius.