Odious Chump

TB had to chuckle at this copy of the Standard that was spotted by a reader on the tube last night:

Have you seen this man?

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Turncoat scum Quentin Davies is today's biggest laughing stock. Via Paul Waugh we learn that he put in a £20k claim for repairs to his bell tower.

Cambridge Update

Interesting stirrings still coming out of Cambridge, again concerning their upcoming open primary. As TB reported the other day there has been uproar about the short-list and two further developments have left some members of the association baffled. Firstly surely the point of an open primary is to engage with as many people in the constituency as possible. If you really wanted to get the maximum number of people to attend why is it being held early on a Saturday morning? Unless of course you only want those most devoted members to put in an appearance, those loyal to one candidate...

Secondly and less significantly. Why the hell is the old Sir Michael White chairing a Tory meeting?

Instant-Osborne

A great show by Osborne today. What is it about PBR days that bring out the best in him? If you don't like stories about twitter look away not. TB noted the speculation about Osborne joining the other day. TB can now confirm that it is indeed his own Twitter account that he used to follow people rather than actually tweeting anything. Would have been interesting to see who else was on the following list before it got rumbled!

There is an intriguing development though this afternoon. A helpful squatter has saved

@georgeosborne

for awhile now:

TB understands that Osborne's people have acquired to login details...

Who Needs Political TV Ads

The ban on political parties buying advertising on television is ridiculous. It does force a certain creativity though:

Anyone know how much that would have cost CCHQ?

PBR Warm Up

Apologies for the lack of blogging today, super busy in Copenhagen, what with the champagne receptions caviar, and of course the

spectacular leak

. Back now and ready for another round of parties. Off to the Policy Exchange drinks and then Mr Isaby's birthday... TB will report back tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the Pre-Budget Report. It could well end up being a pretty shitty day for the Conservatives if Brown get's his way and twists Darling's arm. Expect tax rises to pre-Thatcher levels. As TB's lunch partner said today "It will be as if she never happened." The shudder was involuntary.

The Conservatives were out of the starting blocks in response to last years PBR extremely quickly, aided in no small way by a barnstorming performance at the dispatch box by George Osborne. As a little warm up to what we can hopefully expect again tomorrow TB thought he would leave you with his own response to last year's PBR:



Another performance like that and TB will be getting his box of tunes out again.

Well at Least He Didn't Cry

Extremely busy day for TB so imagine blogging will be light. Off to Copenhagen...

He thought he would leave you with

Al Gore's poem

that has been written for the most important meeting of mankind ever:

One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun
Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea
Neptune's bones dissolve
Snow glides from the mountain
Ice fathers floods for a season
A hard rain comes quickly
Then dirt is parched
Kindling is placed in the forest
For the lightning's celebration
Unknown creatures
Take their leave, unmourned
Horsemen ready their stirrups
Passion seeks heroes and friends
The bell of the city
On the hill is rung
The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools

Someone pass a revolver.

Down With the Kids - Fail.

The Downing Street website proudly proclaims:

"Government to “harness power of technology”

The Prime Minister has said the Government will use technology to further improve front line services. During a podcast released today, Gordon Brown said that technology will allow hospitals, schools and police forces, to secure better value for money."

Well well, who is this inspiring wonder who will lead us on this journey?

Oh dear, harnessing the power of technology? You mean like wind up clocks, a lamp and a piece of paper? It's a revolution!

Brown has attempted to shamelessly rip off Cameron's plans for google government and openness and transparency throughout Whitehall online. Isaby shows the the writing on the wall

here

:

Cameron said on December 6th 2005:

"There is such a thing as society, it's just not the same thing as the state. "

Brown said today:

"I have always said that there is such a thing as society and always said also that this is not the same thing as the state"

This is why the Tories have been so cautious in their release of policy. Every firm commitment of what they want to do is hoovered up and churned out by this dying, incompetent, exhausted bunch of charlatans.

And that includes a promise to raise the IHT thresholds.

Consternation in Cambridge

TB's Tab eyes and ears has whispered about some serious grumbling going on around the selection process of candidates for the

upcoming Open Primary

set to be held on the 12th for Cambridge City Conservatives. Interestingly the Local Chairman Dr Sarah El-Neil decided at the last minute to throw her hat in the ring having allegedly been involved in the

less than subtle

ousting of the previous candidate

Richard Normington.

Given the track record of GPs in open primaries it is is certainly intriguing that Dr El-Neil took her Parliamentary Assessment Board just 48 hours before the deadline to be a candidate passed. Obviously strings had to be pulled in CCHQ to make this happen.

Given the track record of local GPs in open primaries it is certainly intriguing that Dr El-Neil is the only truly local based candidate and clearly the odds on favourite to win. More intriguingly is the role of her ally and close friend - the Deputy Chairman of the Association - who oversaw the selection process. Over sixty people applied for the seat, many of them very talented local residents who did not get a look in. Why not? Why when they were clearly there weren't more local candidates included in the final list?

The primary is in less than a week and there are large elements of the association in disarray and up in arms about what is happening. TB isn't surprised that the suggestion of a "stitch up" is being banded around in more than a whisper.

One to keep an eye on. From the bookies.

Is Tom Watson Father Christmas?

It made an appearance at Labour Conference but now it seems Tom Watson's has got himself a "proppa" beard:

Not everyone is happy with the new look though. Close friends Charlie Whelan a former bunker buddy and Kevin Maguire of the Mirror are

campaigning hard

to get baby faced Watson back.

Ho ho ho.

Cartoon - PBR War Preparation

Keep Calm and Carry On

The last two weeks have seen somewhat of a fightback by Labour. Not that it's really helping, with the Tories still 13 points ahead. Invigorated by Lisbon and Zac, the reds have gone on the attack. Some blows hurt more than others.

Speaking to members over the weekend TB clocked a sense of frustration with the situation. A certain impatient longing for the fight to really begin. This sentiment must be focused on the enemy though. Getting frustrated with the leadership four months before an election isn't going to help anyone. It was four years ago that sales of M&S pale green ties went into overdrive as every polyester clad tory boy threw away the David Davis badges and woke up on the morning of 7th December 2005 Cameroons.

TB was coming to the end of his first term at university then and so you can imagine his focus was on other things, but he did manage to catch that PMQs the day after the night before.

Look

at the reactions of Blair and Brown when Dave came straight out of the blocks and landed the first of what would become many many dispatch box blows square on Blair's nose. "He was the future once!" No wonder it has taken Brown over two years to win one of these duels.

That jubilation and excitement that dominated within the Party for the next two years must be restored. Four years in opposition is a long time and if the best that Labour can come up with in forty-eight months is to have a go at where someone went to school, then perhaps this is going to be easier than anyone dares to think. Remember that passion in Blackpool in 2005 and 2007. Cameron has done wonders in these four years, governments get tired, oppositions must not. The finishing line is in sight.

One more push.

It Wasn't Me

Funny how the Speaker's original statement on "

The John Bercow Guide to Understanding Women

" said "This article appeared in a magazine that specialised in being both funny and provocative. It in no way reflects the Speaker’s views today." He has

changed his tune

over the weekend though:

Commons Speaker John Bercow has insisted he was not the author of a guide to chatting up women. Press reports claiming he had penned The John Bercow Guide to Understanding Women were mistaken, he said. The guide, which included tips on luring drunk women, was published in a magazine for young Tories in 1986.

But Mr Bercow said in a statement it had been a parody of him at a time when he was chairman of the Federation of Conservative Students. According to press reports, the guide included the advice that "women will settle for anything that breathes and has a credit card". As a chat-up line, it suggested: "If you're free later maybe we could go back to your place and name your breasts.

This article was not written by me but about me, mocking the fact that I was the last person likely to express the sentiments cited in the piece.

The article was brought up again by the media last week after Mrs Bercow, the Speaker's wife, confessed in a press interview to binge drinking and casual sex when she was in her twenties."

Haha TB believes him but not sure many people will. He's looks like a bloody idiot either way.

Is Osborne a Twat?

Apologies for the lack of posting this week, TB went out after work on Friday and it was a little downhill from there. A weekend blur of the Adam Smith Christmas drinkies, Boisdale and various other parties. He was very sorry to miss out on the CF Christmas Party last night, but by all accounts it was a suitably booze soaked affair.

One bit of interesting "news" breaking tonight is the possibility that George Osborne is about to start tweeting.

@harropfold

has been registered. Harrop Fold Farm being Osborne's constituency home. More intriguingly, one of the very few people being followed by Osborne is

@torymatt

aka Matt Hancock - Osborne's advisor.

If this is the case, this move will make for a big change in direction from Dave calling Twitterers twats, to the Tories maximising the limited, but useful, potential of being able to break stories and push the lines very very quickly. Not only can Twitter be used to tell the world you just ate a cupcake, it is also an incredibly quick rebuttal tool. Every hack in the village will be following Osborne - as they do

Macrory

and

Pickles

- that's where its key use lies.

TB is looking forward some serious Mandy baiting too.

Caption Contest - Foulkes and a Bear

TB hears that Foulkes might not be such a fan of this bear.

Better Get Him Quick Buckingham

Seems Nigel Farage is a wanted man around the world. TB is off out tonight to watch James Delingpole kick George Moiboit around the playground at The Index On Censorship

climate change debate

. He leaves you though with UKIP's hilarious goodbye video to their outgoing leader as some entertainment:



Thirsty Mrs Bercow's

interview to The Standard

will likely win Farage some votes in Buckingham - she gives Dave two barrels. TB can't help but wonder what the story Mrs Bercow is trying to deflect by giving the open-up-to-a-friendly-hack interview could be...?

TB will have to shake the tree.

Prepare for Another War

So it's sort of official, Bad Al is back. Brown was still as wooden and weird as ever at PMQs yesterday, the only difference being that he had some decent arrows in his bow for once. Campbell has been doing some what of a victory lap this morning, less than subtly taking credit for this apparent resurgence. He even popped up on LBC and had the audacity of discussing Andy Coulson in the context of bullying. Is this the very same Alastair Campbell forced out of his job after overseeing the most poisonous and corrupt decade in British politics?

This former pornographer, alcoholic and bullyboy doesn't exactly have a great track record in which to launch his attacks from. Last time TB checked Andy Coulson wasn't detained and forced to hospital by the police for his and others safety. In his hack days Campbell was famed for punching fellow lefties, cutting his teeth as a thug in preparation for his future enforcer role. You would think there were already enough basket cases in the bunker.

With this background of thuggery, Campbell took to his role of summoning all the dark arts of the media against his masters enemies like a duck to water. Shouting and screaming down the phone, threats to end careers, emotional and actual blackmail, and a stubborn refusal to ever concede any point. How did the famous Iraq quote go again? "Come on, you don't seriously think we won't find anything?"

TB is at a loss to explain this collective bout of amnesia that has broken out across Westminster. How many people have managed to survive driving a whistle-blower to suicide and been able to bounce back as a knight in shining armour at an hour of need. Even his homage Malcolm Tucker hasn't killed anyone.

For Campbell to be brought back into the fold is almost as explosive as the return of Mandy. Ever the careerist, Mandelson's return was easy to comprehend, but Campbell has nothing to lose, he is there for one reason and one reason only - to play dirty. At times the New Labour foursome swore never to be in the same room as each other again but then desperate times call for desperate measures. It is clear that Mandy has lost the argument that the toff line won't work and who better to oversee a kitchen sink operation than then poisonous and hateful man who wrote the rule book. Campbell went before because he was a liability, things must be in utter chaos if the Brownites, who were so often at the receiving end of Campbell's dirty tricks, have been forced to beg him for their help.

This is going to get nastier than anyone can imagine.

Wickedio

Everyone's favourite

"wifey"

has nabbed a sneak preview of the

Wikio

rankings for this month. They are not out officially until Saturday. TB has moved up another place to sixth:

1	Iain Dale's Diary (=)
2	Guy Fawkes' blog (=)
3	Liberal Conspiracy (=)
4	Labourlist (=)
5	Liberal Democrat Voice (=)
6	Tory Bear (+1)
7	And another thing... (-1)
8	Old Holborn (+1)
9	Harry's Place (-1)
10	ConservativeHome's ToryDiary (+37)

More.

Something tells him that Tom Harris might be taking some more pictures soon...

Guess the bear is going to have to take on Lib Dem Voice next. Problem being that they are a multi staffed website. He'll give it a crack though! He better up his game a bit.

TB is amazed and chuffed with his hundred thousand visits last month. Thank you!

Think She'll Have the Bear?

Calling all rats

! Anyone want to join a sinking ship? You will gain an exciting insight into the last few months of a Parliamentary career:

"an volunteer intern"?

Clearly a grasp of basic English is not essential for the role, just as long as they can tweet eh Kerry?

Hear Bear Here

You can now listen to TB chatting away on this week's

House of Comment

podcast. Always fun to spar with the

Monkey

and in excellent company with

Stuart Sharpe

and

Mark

of Reckoning fame.

Click the player to tune in.