The Party's Over

So TB ended up staying over night in Brighton and it's another shockingly sunny day on the seafront. He isn't sure if there is an opposite to pathetic fallacy, but it would be highly fitting. He

tweeted

yesterday afternoon that the mood here was somewhat akin to a terminal patient having their last birthday party. Things lightened up a bit in the evening once the booze got flowing, but it would be hard to suggest people are happy. Achingly on-message PPCs will regurgitate the party line and ambitious Labour Students won't stray, but take the camera out of peoples' faces and it's a different story.

Obviously there was guarded caution around the bear, however the only plotting that TB sniffed out was plans for the post election days. It seems the party has, surprisingly gracefully, accepted defeat. Who will take over the party in May is already dominating conversation. Mandy's speech yesterday was discussed but with very little enthusiasm. It may have put fire in some bellies but outside of the bubble would it really have made that much difference? It was a good speech, an excellent conference speech, but a game-changer? No.

There is no energy, no buzz here. TB went along to the

Labourlist

drinks last night which were a good laugh and he is very grateful to them for having him. While he was there he was asked how Labour conference compared to the tories. In terms of activity it was identical, the fringe meetings, old friends meeting each other, chatting at the bar, however the air of eager anticipation that have defined the last two tory conferences, and will no doubt dominate Manchester, is severely lacking here. In it's place is silent agreement that it's easier not to talk about the Prime Minister or how it could have been if the attempts to bring him down in the last year had played out differently.

Update: Gone Rogue

So TB has landed in Brighton and set up mobile field unit on the beach. Simon Heffer cuts a lonely figure strolling the promenard alone. Charlie Wheelan's brown brogue, dark suit combo was truely special and had to chuckle at "your the problem" George Howarth MP attempting to skip the queue by waving his green members pass only to be promptly put in his place and sent to the back.

Though TB's favourite moment so far has to be hiding from Red Ken:

His camera man has finally arrived so off to have some fun...

UPDATE 20.30: Listening to Miliband speak about foreign policy. Interesting, however he pitched the mood just right with his opening gambit - "sorry to anyone here who was under the impression they would be hearing from my brother."

Been a surreal but interesting afternoon. TB will report in depth upon his return but lets just say Labour are plotting.

But not in the way you might think.

And the Oscar goes to...

Congratulations to John Moorcraft who won last week's caption contest with this entry:

"Is this really the way I should introduce myself to Pope Benedict?"

Mr Moorcraft wins a copy of "

Fleeced

" a fantastic new book by David Craig and the TPA's Matthew Elliot.

TB thought his own suggestion of "John didn't quite get that he wasn't meant to make his own Downfall video" was pretty funny.

But then he would wouldn't he.

Monday Morning Cartoon

How do GoogleAds do it?

They are so wise:

They know exactly what readers of

Lib Dem blogs

are like...

Buy TB Karaoke Tickets Now!

After some slight problems TB's PayPal is now up and running. Tickets £5 pre-booked or a tenner on the door. Email to reserve your song. Details of TB's other events and speaking calender will be published this week. There will also be a small number of blue bears on sale at conference. Get in touch with TB if you want to reserve one.

He has it on good, female, authority that they are adorable and a bargain at a fiver!

UPDATE - Labour on Suicide Watch

Gordon has hit back at Darling's claims that Labour has lost the will to live. However it seems that the Party's

own website

doesn't agree with the leader. It shows hoards of young activists throwing themselves off the end of Brighton Pier in desperation:

Joking apart, though you wouldn't know it from the telly, TB is hearing the mood isn't quite as upbeat as the spin doctors would like us to believe.Hence why he will be heading down to Brighton tomorrow in search of a more accurate picture of

#Lab09

.

Armed with a camera.


UPDATE: 22.24: This

hilarious spot

came via the comments

Update - "Fill My Little World Right Up....

...show some love."

The Feeling song they are playing is highly appropriate for the Brighton Centre this afternoon. Moments before their leader takes to the stage:

They can't even fill the hall up.

UPDATE 17.15: People are apparently just milling around talking amongst themselves or packing out Cruddas fringe events. Ed Balls, Tom Watson and Kerry McCarthy, as well as other Labour members of the Twitterati, can't be bothered to go to Gordon's speech. They are propping up the bar instead:

Tom Watson's new beard is err different.

THAT question

Of all the lazy Sundays to sleep until high noon and miss Marr and Boulton, today clearly wasn't the one. So Marr, of sycophantic 2007 cancelled election interview fame, actually plucked up the courage to give the sweating Prime Minister a platform to quell the speculation about his health and pill popping tendencies. Well Gordon technically denied it in words. He was referring to reguarly taking painkillers not anti-depressant though and looked extremely uncomfortable about the unexpected question.

It's not like he's never lied before is it.

Exclusive - Footage of the Treasury Mole

The Mail

reports

:

The row over the so-called ‘Treasury mole’ flared again last night after one of Chancellor Alistair Darling’s staff resigned to take a job in the private office of Shadow Chancellor George Osborne.

Yesterday, the mandarin’s defection prompted a war of words between Labour and the Tories, amid suggestions that the official could have been linked to a series of damaging leaks about the Government’s economic plans.

The sense of intrigue surrounding the move then deepened after both sides refused to name the man.

Well TB has managed to get hold of some exclusive footage of the man:



Ok so maybe not.

Japes

It seems the Go Fourth tweetup/shindig had some infiltrators tonight. These pictures of prominent tory activists via

KeepRightOnline

made the bear laugh:

TB was tempted to go along tonight but was taken down by some dodgy sushi. Better than being taken down by one of the Four Horseman of the Twapocalypse:

Left to further left:

@BevaniteEllie

@KerryMP

@JohnPrescott

@MsGraceFH

Two of them have history of thumping people after all.

Congratulations are in order...

...to friend of the bear Julian Smith who was today

adopted to fight Skipton and Ripon

. Julian will make a fantastic MP. Come to think of it TB still owes him dinner from conference a few years ago.

Well there is another seat TB will dropping by to campaign in soon.

Quote of the Day

"But as I see the challenge ahead, I fear that my utmost will not be enough and I am not the best person to lead this party into the next election. Fairly or unfairly, the public have decided. If I am no longer an asset to my party in the battle to keep the Conservatives from power, then I know my duty is to stand aside and let someone else succeed. That is the greatest service I can offer. I hope I have been the right person to see the country through a crisis. But I fear I am no longer the best person to take Labour's good case to the electorate."

- Gordon's resignation speech as imagined by

Polly Toynbee

.

A bear can but dream.

Labour head to Brighton

Note to Gordon. Avoid the high tide. Not that it will do you much good.

TB wishes he could head down to Brighton to sniff out some stories but sadly it's not to be.

Hurrah for constituency weeks! It's been a long time coming; we have clawed our way through committee weeks, groped our way through group weeks, ploughed through plenary, but finally, finally we have made it, blood stained and dishevelled, to the promised land. All the MEPs have shoved off back home leaving the Parliament beatifically quiet, a bit like that grove I sometimes ride I Should Rococo through back home when I'm feeling contemplative, only with facebook and coffee. And with no MEPs about to stop us every five minutes to ask for the email address of some ex-prime minister or minor royal, or to find out everything there is to know about bleached coral, we assistants have finally been able to get on with our real business: that of running the EU. Five whole days of being able to highlight the pertinent info in a committee report in green and yellow (as required). Sometimes, this is as exciting as the European Parliament gets. This is one of those times, but I'm not complaining.

The nice thing about constituency week (apart from the fact that my ruler is once again lined up with the edge of my desk.. bliss), is that there's been a little more time in the day to catch up with the gossip back home. Of course Tory Bear is my first port of call for all my gossiping needs, but I have to admit, I'm a little confused by this Liam Byrne kerfuffle. You mean there are MPs out there who don't demand soup and that everyone laughs at their jokes? I may have to alert Jackie – sorry – Mrs Foster's office to this interesting new development. A mutiny may ensue.

Now I come to think of it, it seems to have been the week for odd goings on. Did Gordon Brown really win an award for World Statesman of the Year? Were Kissinger and Bono really present? Was he really hailed as a hero for stabilising the world economy, and showing compassionate leadership? Combined with the almost eerie quietness of Parliament (although the canteen is still heaving at lunchtime – why? Why? Who are these people?), reading this story rather made me feel a little strange in a detached sort of way, rather like that time Jenny brought back that cake from Amsterdam that smelled a little like Rococo's food supplements. I had suspected that I'd dreamt the whole sorry episode, but no mere nightmare could be that ghastly.

Nevermind, I spent much of Thursday afternoon introducing the Americans on the floor to the delights of Yes Minister and Spitting Image. It was a sort of cultural exchange: they've had me watching the Daily Show all week with that awful socialist Jon Stewart, so I got my own back with the Chicken Song. It served two wonderful purposes: a) cleared the eerie cobwebs of Brown's award which were still clinging to my mind, and b) totally baffled the Americans. What more could you ask of a comedy song on a rainy Thursday afternoon during constituency week?

Ed: Well quite.

The Foul Mouthed Daughter

You would think if your mother was gearing up to stand as the Leader of Welsh Labour when Rhoderi Morgan steps down at the upcoming Labour Conference, you would be a little bit more careful what you put on

your Twitter

:

Was it a family viewing of Question Time last night? TB is sure most of the cabinet would agree with young Estelle, but with a mouth like that, TB recommends Edwina Hart keeps her NUS/Labour Student hack daughter as far away from her campaign as possible.

Probably shouldn't write the speeches.

Tip of the hat to

Wales Online

. Enough people complained about TB's swearing in that last post. Neither were his words though!

Quote of the Day

"What the fuck is a floating duck house!?"

- An unknown Telegraph hack upon going through the reciepts for the first time.

Via

Niall Paterson

.

Good Morning Mr Byrne...

Here is your cappuccino sir...


TB trusts your papers were set out before you got in this morning?

Don't Call Ed Miliband a Chav

It is rare that TB gets a reply from the near daily abuse he can't help but send Ministers of this dying government via the uber-access tool Twitter. Hence the chuckle he afforded himself when he clearly

hit a nerve

with Miliband the Younger:

He's definitely not a chav alright? Got that? Good.

You can follow TB on Twitter

here

.

Calling out the BS

Was only a matter of time:

Sign it here.

And call for Gordon to go while you're at it.