Life imitates art...

TB watched

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

again last night and can't believe this point about Russell Brand didn't come to him sooner. Every one's favourite "sex-addict"

turned up

at the G20 protests to campaign to replace "capitalism with something nicer" last week and it seems that Russell has been taken his characters too seriously. In said film Brand must have worked extremely hard to play a stupid celebrity who sleeps around and makes inappropriate comments. He also has a song called "We gotta do something":



For those of you at work, check out the lyrics:

We gotta do something,
We gotta do something,
Before mother earth gets anymore hurt,
We gotta do something!

You know I`m sorry if this is hard for you to take,
But a lot of it just needs saying,
and I don`t see anyone else out there,
giving out this message,
and if I don`t do this, Who`s gonna do it?
And maybe, if someone hears these words,
maybe the whole world gets round and listens,
to what I`m sayin`, and maybe we have a chance.
Because I don`t wanna see another child crying,
I don`t wanna see another dog dying in the streets,
I can`t see another homeless man, because it doesn`t seem right to me,
He`s got a home, and he`s not got a home,
What`s the point in that?
Why can`t we all just get together, in one big home,
and if I was in Government,
Then I`d Government things much more differentlier,
because it ain`t the best way to government things,
So there`s poor people everywhere,
You know I would just be sittin` alone,
Thinkin` "How can I do something?",
`Cos I ain`t gonna be in chains no-more,
You lot might have been conned, but I ain`t been conned,
`Cos I`m a free man, I`m free, and I`m gonna let my soul soar,
and the way I do that is through my music,
so why don`t you do something?

The Left have finally found their voice! Finally they have some to rally behind, a leader to unite them. Russell Brand should be put in charge of dealing with the global economic downturn. If only we had listened to him earlier!

With solutions to the recession like that, Brand must have fitted right in at last week's protests!

Arrrrgh.

Riot police are on standby in SW1.

TB on FB

TB was rather distressed to have his Facebook profile deleted after some apparent breach of regulations. He has now finally got round to creating a page for fans of torybear.com to get news and updates and write witty and amusing one liners etc.

Become a fan of the bear

here

. Why not invite a friend?

More red faces for Labour

Oh dear. It seems Jacqui let her husband loose on the work computers too. The Home Office website was linking to Japanese porn sites apparently:

What's next? MPs photographing themselves banging interns in their offices?

Oh wait

.

NUS shifts to the right?

Whenever TB mentions the NUS it always starts the age old argument of how involved should Conservative and conservative students be? The current CF administration have made their thoughts perfectly clear, but that didn't stop some rogue hacks throwing themselves in the deep end. Though he didn't get elected to the NUS,

Benjamin Gray

offers some interesting insights to this years conference, away from the bar, and blows the whistle about what has become increasingly obvious in the last few months- Labour know the election is almost a forgone conclusion and now the NUS is terrified that under a tory government they are going to be frozen out and sent into the wilderness. Rejoice!! some will cry but do we really want them to shift to the hard left?

You can read all of Ben's thoughts

here

, but these bits are key:

The response of delegates who knew I was Conservative Future-affiliated was not hostility, but curiosity, and in some cases outright support. In private many believe that the Conservatives are going to form the next government, and want to know what we would offer them. They also want CF involved so that they can have a means of making their case directly to the party. As I’ve said elsewhere, there are a lot of independents who go to NUS conferences, and are more than willing to support and listen to Tory candidates. A fair number of them will go on to get actively involved in politics. It’s worth being there to show them that Labour Students do not hold a monopoly on worthwhile political activism. Additionally, it gives our activists a way of contributing and gaining experience beyond what the regular CF branch can offer.

Of particular interest is how the Trots are waning in influence. Although this was doubtless helped by many of their membership wanting to go off and smash up a bank window or two during the week, their presence was minuscule. Their candidates got trounced in every election bar one. Both their members of the National Executive Committee were censured for their stage antics at Wolverhampton. Their proposals were defeated by overwhelming margins. So weak were they this year that I was able to stand in the middle of their bloc on conference floor and stir things up without being in much danger. The NUS has moved to the right, and it’s time the Right moved towards the NUS.

Whether or not you agree with the last sentence it is interesting to note the waning trot influence and the fact that Labour Students are privately flapping about the change in government.

If the NUS would like to butter up this tory hack and get him to start writing nice things about them,

this

would be a good place to start.

Drinkies...

TB has been lurking in the deepest darkest countryside for ten days now. It's been too long since he has seen many a CF hack so will be propping up the bar at the Cities of London and Westminster

monthly knees

up

at the Star Bar in St James's tomorow evening.

Any one else going?

Oh Darling...

It seems that each week those beavering sunday paper hacks manage to create a mild shitstorm for a member of the Cabinet or Labour frontbench about their expenses. This weekend was no different with Hoon getting his comeuppance but there is something about the revelations about Alistair Darling's ridiculous claims that struck TB as a little odd.

Monday morning papers are never particularly great, the B-team are often in charge over the weekend with the editor finally getting stuck in as the deadlines approach. Funny then that

The Times

and

Telegraph

got such wonderful scoops today with their attacks on Darling. A bit of a coincidence is it not that both the papers got the identical story? Has someone been on the phone...

Darling has been a bit of a naughty boy recently in terms of loyalty to the glorious leader. He has been outspoken and willing to stand up to Brown. It has been widely speculated that he might be for the chop. Most people generally ignore the neighbours they don't get on with. Maybe the odd call to the council after a late night party or pesky tree dispute, but it seems Brown has a far superior method to getting rid of people he doesn't like...

Why not make everyone else hate them too by destroying their reputation in the public eye.

Do as I say not as I do...

The National Union of Students don't half come out with some crackpot ideas, but this minimum pricing on drinks

nonsense

really takes the biscuit. Wes "yes we can" Streeting, the re-elected Labour President said “Students’ unions work hard to inform their members of the dangers of excessive drinking. But more can be done. ‘All you can drink’ and ‘three for the price of one’ offers encourage students to drink to dangerous levels.” Won't those nannying bosses at the Labour Party be pleased with their golden child!

Newbie blogger

Oberon Houston

has beaten the bear to it with taking the piss, but frankly, while students will no doubt reject these ideas, this whole thing is also some what hypocritical. These ridiculous measures against this so called "binge drinking" are clearly just a litmus test for what will no doubt turn into some botched and rushed government policy and makes the NUS look like a bunch of idiots. They have just had their annual conference in Blackpool and this year it was seemingly a bit of a Twitter fest. Check out minute by minute coverage of the whole three day circle jerk

here

. Posts like these got TB thinking:

So by day motions attempting to curb drinking on campus were passed, by night the pictures that TB has

nicked from here

tell a very different story:

This lot will go far in the Labour Party or the general lefty world with this "do as I say" attitude. Now TB isn't having a go at them for getting drunk and having a good time, hell alcohol would be the only way to get through a three day NUS conference.

It's just the hypocrisy he can't stand.

Sorry about the lack of blogging today. Sister Bear and TB had a long overdue catch up last night involving large amounts of Spotify and a bottle of vodka. Needless to say, TB has quite literally been a bear with a sore head all day... but nothing some roast beef and couple of glasses of wine didn't fix.

• Always good for terrifying stories -The Independent reports on President Blair.

• Matthew D'Ancona asks Gordon who he thinks he is kidding in his Telegraph column.
  ..
  As does Fraser Nelson for the NOTW - the G20 unravelled
  .

• The Telegraph asks Michelle just what exactly she thought she was doing.

• AA Gill takes the piss as only AA Gill can in The Times.

• Jenni Russel argues that karma is in play for Jackoff Smith also in The Times.

Update: IMF and Brown

TB's sources are reporting that the IMF are playing hard to get and making Brown beg for his

loan

. Here is a another leaked update from the negotiations:



TB would have thought Gordon would throw his Nokia harder than that.

Hilarity ensues...

After the chaos of their elections, the new Liberal Youth executive has come together today for the first time. In keeping with the tradition, the Chairman Elaine Bagshaw has had another resignation. Ben Mathis, who was re-elected just a week ago as the Vice-Chairman for Campaigns, has already jumped the sinking ship. This is surely a new record for Bagshaw forcing out someone who opposed her point of view or questioned her.

Liberal Youth's freshers week campaign is obviously going to be as successful as last year's seeing as with just a few months to go they have found themselves without someone to co-ordinate it.

TB's sources are muttering that Edwin Loo, the ever so successful London Campaign honcho, has already started putting the word around that he is ready to step up to the plate. He has proven his worth and this would be a real threat to Conservative Future's national campaigning.

Honest.

+++developing+++

The twittering classes speak out:

Once there was the student union chattering classes, they have now become the twitterers. Either way there is absoulutly no support from these EUSA hacks from banning the Daily Mail. TB asked them all if they support the farcical attempts to restrict what students read:

There we have a current sabbatical, a former editor of the student press, a former President, the President and Vice-President elect, and a range of elected EUSA officials.

Was anyone consulted on this move before that press release was sent out?

Guest Post - What a pathetic move...

This was an email from an Edinburgh student who is clearly a little pissed off about the ridiculous attempts by EUSA to ban the Daily Mail from it's outlets:

Adam Ramsay's press release explaining his stance is one of the most pitiful attempts at political argument yet to dribble from our most abhorrent champagne socialist. It demonstrates the mental capacity of a three-year old to claim that the paper is "not worth the paper it is printed on," considering that every day 2 million people cough up for it. And it constitutes downright irresponsibility to make cavalier claims (on behalf of the student body), about a newspaper which regularly pays its libel lawyers £1200 an hour to defend it's reputation.

Fair enough, The Daily Mail occasionally prints some fairly radical points of view and not everyone can agree with them. But let's remember here that Adam is taking a decision to restrict a product's distribution on campus, thereby making a direct impact on profit & loss within EUSA shops and henceforth affecting fiscal re-investment into student services. (Basically, it could affect the price of your Teviot pint) So surely it would be fair to provide some concrete evidence to back up his claims?

Oh yes, of course - he does! He glibly informs us that it's "really, really bad." Aside from the weak double adverb, I'm afraid arguing that it's just "bad" simply doesn't cut it Adam. Neither can you boldly claim that "Daily Mail headlines are misleading," without providing substantial evidential backing for this. I'm sure the legal staff at Associated Newspapers would have something to say about that accusation, should this cause a stir nationwide.

Another poorly formed argument stems from the premise that "27% of our students come from other countries." The Daily Mail, he argues, is in the newspaper business to vilify these people, so it should be banned. Whether it's editors promote this agenda or not is simply irrelevant, Ramsay's argument doesn't hold much water, and here's why. On any typical afternoon outside the library, we're all regularly accosted by members of Edinburgh University Socialist Society, pushing copies of "Socialist Worker." Aside from the irony of these guys actually selling this publication for fifty pence a pop, I'd wager that it's content includes some material which vilifies the capitalist outlook of many students. But judging from membership of their Facebook group, their society represents just 0.001% of the university population. Therefore, by Ramsay's argument, it would make sense to ban this publication as well, on the grounds that it vilifies 99.99% of Edinburgh students (who aren't fans of socialism/institutionalised thievery). Adam Ramsay, is there anything between those big ears of yours?

But I don't want Socialist Worker banned either, mainly because I believe, especially at a university, that we should retain a fondness for free speech and a passion for promoting choice. Adam Ramsay and his cronies seem to blindly ignore this. They're more interested in being the big fish in a small pond than pursuing student interests. They think that because their own political views don't align with The Daily Mail, it can be dismissed as "hateful" or "homophobic." They forget of course that this newspaper promotes views in line with Green Party policy (for instance supporting a ban on GM crops) and that it refused to print this advert on the grounds that it was racist. They also forget that Edinburgh students are all bright, intelligent young people who are consistently tutored to be aware of their sources and make up their own mind. We simply don't need babysitting when it comes to choosing what to read and what not to read.

Adam Ramsay has made a pathetic last-ditch attempt to make a name for himself after a year of ineffectual pontificating and perennial promise-breaking. This will undoubtedly spark some media controversy and perhaps a jibe on "Have I Got News For You." And maybe Adam's name might make into a few more newspapers, just before he slips into his ultimately trivial career within the Green Party. I can think of no other reasons why someone might go to such extreme lengths to restrict freedom of speech on campus, other than last-minute ego masturbation. It's an outrage, an embarrassment to the whole university, and shouldn't be allowed to continue any further.

Exclusive footage of Brown and the IMF:

TB has managed to get hold of some exclusive footage secretly filmed of

negotiations

going on between 10 Downing Street and the IMF:

First they came for the Kit-Kats...

TB is still pretty pissed off about this ridiculous move to attempt to ban the Daily Mail from union outlets at Edinburgh University. In discussing this with real students tonight, those who aren't warped by the bubble of hackery, there has been wide spread outrage at is this totalitarian and deluded action. He finally got round to getting hold of the offending press release that went out on April Fools day. Would have been a great prank if it had actually been a joke:


Awaiting the press release that announces student association re-education camps.

Caption Contest: Not waving but drowning!

Seems Dolly really should go back to spin school:

Rule no 1: Avoid stupid photos.

A high price for a 3 point poll boost.

The Labour lot are

orgasmically proclaiming

that the glorified press release that was the G20 yesterday has saved the world's problems and that the trillion dollars being pumped into the global economy is going to somehow stem the inevitable tied of recession. What utter twoddle. It's a joke that Campell is saying this is substance over style. By the rulebook he wrote this is a textbook Labour piece of media engineering. Brown himself said good media coverage was the benchmark for success for the summit and yes he got some good headlines. But at what price? Now TB is sure

these pics

have been posted elsewhere but just in case anyone is unsure, lets look at what "a trillion dollars" really means:

Let's start with $10,000:

A million dollars:

A billion... now we're talking...

There it is Dr Brown your one trillion dollars, not a sum to be thrown around lightly:

It makes TB sick to think that this money is just going to go down the drain. As Daniel Hannan said, it's as if there is this big magic wand called Keynes that will make everything better. It won't, we can't afford to be wasting this money. Gordon is quite literally attempting to buy time. We might think we have it bad suffering under his premiership but that is nothing to the suffering that this man is going to cause our children, and their children and their children...

Obama wasn't the only President in town...

As many a hack knows TB has his eyes and ears everywhere. He sent one of his undercover moles to penetrate the most left-wing of institutions - the LSE (where the conservative society is the largest political group!) yesterday for a speech given by the president of Russia, Dmitry Medvedev. For someone who declared in his 2007 accounts that he has $80,000 in savings and an $80,000 salary despite being on the board of Gazprom since 2000, he had a very nice suit and apparently an iPhone too. He referred to President Obama as his 'new friend' and 'comrade'.

Despite being late to due to "G20 issues outside of his control" the president gave a speech which was on the whole decent (translation blunders aside) and cut through a lot of the spin and blunder that characterises our own beloved prime minister's speeches. He talked about resisting protection and trading on 'equal terms'. As well as how history will make it easier for Russia to nationalise companies, although he emphasised that any state control should be temporary. He also lambasted NATO and other Cold War alliances as out of date and unnecessary, he suggested that these should be replaced by an organisation that can maintain stability through discussion of domestic and foreign issues.

On the question of reintroducing the Gold Standard, he maintains that he was 'misquoted' by the media. Instead he praised currency blocs stating that 'despite their flaws they had been useful during the current crisis'. He stated that his point was to stress the importance of a global reserve currency. He argued that this would be best achieved through the use of SDR's and not gold as he is quoted as supporting.

He took (unplanted) questions which was a nice touch and answered those questions on the whole without a lot of waffle. When asked whether Putin was still really in charge he responded that there were certain responsibilities for himself and certain responsibilities for Putin, but ultimately it was he who was the head of state. Essentially yes, Putin is still in the driver's seat. This was the only bullshit answer of the lot. The next question was by a Georgian student who when he heard the news that she was Georgian, he responded by saying 'oh, wonderful' and the proceeded to wink and tell her that he would never speak to her country's government until it changed. British politics would certainly benefit from more of this type of honesty.

A mistranslation of the IMF injection turned it from a trillion dollars into a Dr. Evil-esque "one trillion hundred billion dollars" this led to a swift change of translator mid sentence as a KGB heavy took the previous translator away for some light waterboarding for the evening.

Overall, everyone seemed to walk away from the event liking him as a person and respecting his no-nonsense approach to answering questions. It seems the Soviet propaganda machine has relocated from Moscow to London.

If you would like to be a TB mole get in touch here.

The henchman's comeuppance...

TB has given his new best friend

Tom Miller

enough time to deny that he and his little chums think the police are "fucking pigs" and gave him plenty of opportunity to do so. After he attempted to stir up trouble on the left by speculating, that through their brutality, the police had "killed" someone, Miller went on to give a weak defence of the Labour Party's record on policing in the comments section here.

For those of you who are new to this particular Labour chump, Miller is a high profile hack within Compass and Young Labour, indeed he is even

standing

for one of the junior positions in their upcoming elections. He is also the chief brown-noser to

Sam Tarry

, who is almost guaranteed to be the next chairman of the organisation. You can see Miller's coat tail endorsement of Tarry

here

:

Seemingly set to be the eternal bag-carrier, Miller is also a minion to everybody's favourite psycho therapist - Derek Draper. Dolly uses Miller to do the menial and boring research tasks that even he can't be bothered to do. Ever the keen hack, Miller is only ever too keen to help out and he puts in many an hour battling to keep LabourList afloat.

Miller has yet to apologise for his ill-thought out comments regarding the police and remains stubbornly naive to the potential danger of spreading rumours like that on the internet - especially at a time when tensions between the police and the left are at it's highest for a long time. TB has dug a little deeper and come to the conclusion that this could well be what Miller wants. He has not denied he hates the police and as you can see below, he proudly nails his true colours to the wall:

Just in case he attempts to weasel his way out of this little controversy too, TB can also provide you with a screen grab of what Miller really thinks of the police. With a simple "Awesome", Miller confirms his belief that this country's law enforcement officers, who risk their lives and welfare on a daily basis to protect this country, are "pigs". There he stands, in his silly little hat, supporting the sentiment of those who smashed up the City on Wednesday. No wonder he wants to turn people against the police by implying they are murderers - to Labour's Tom Miller "Fuck Pigs" is an "awesome" statement:

No wonder policing in this country is in chaos under Labour. No wonder there are riots are in the streets and no respect for private property or the rule of law. Tom should stick to

worshipping

Chavez on his blog, if it's police brutality he is after, why not go live in the socialist paradise? In the limited contact that TB and Miller have had, the Labour stooge questioned why TB would let pictures of himself in a tailcoat appear on the internet, cynically citing the supposed unattractiveness of this image to a floating voter. Well Tom your casual disregard for these public servants and defenders of the peace, is unattractive to everyone, except you and your wannabe anarchist cronies. Or is "Fuck Pigs" a view shared by all of Compass, Young Labour, the "Sam Tarry for Chairman" team and the rest of the LabourList staff?

If not, perhaps now would be a good time for them to distance themselves from their henchman...

i⋅ron⋅ic /aɪˈrɒnɪk/ [ahy-ron-ik] –adjective

There are hundreds of photos on Facebook from yesterday's protests in London, but these ones have to be some of the best:

Only a true entrepreneurial capitalist swampy sets up a food stall at a riot.

While protesting against capitalism, a climate camp hippy checks their stock in the FT.

If they spent more time in school instead of protesting, they might realise grass doesn't grow on concrete.

Obama has some competition as "The One". Who Would Jesus Bail-Out?