Cuckoo

Would have said Simon Jenkins has finally

lost it

, if he hadn't already years ago.

Kids!

TB is reflecting quite what to do with this blog now work and the real world means his writing energies are exhausted elsewhere. In the meantime he has gone back to his roots and let some discussion about the upcoming elections in Conservative Future. As predicted this has turned into a mud slinging match in the comments. TB has no desire to get sued so if you could all kindly chill the fuck out about something that frankly isn't the end of the world that would be greatly appreciated. Ta.

The election is set to take place now in the last week of September. Confirmed runners Kit Friend, Patrick Sullivan, Simon Cavilier Jones, Michelle Donelan and Ben Howlett. Expecting cover to be broken by most of this lot next week. No wonder wiser and older hacks are calling for the whole thing to be

scrapped

. TB wondered how long before that debate would rear it's rebellious head again.

PMQs Thoughts

After the utterly depressing start it was no surprise that today's PMQs was once again a subdued affair. With the excitement going on elsewhere today this wasn't the big show. The Labour Leadership closing nominations coupled with the Select Committee elections means minds were wandering elsewhere.

Harman, despite the best efforts of her comedian staffer, is still looking uncomfortable at the despatch box. She was muddled over redrawing boundaries and her argument was left wide open by the fact Labour had gone ahead with redrawing said boundaries on the very electoral register she now decries. There is a real fear on the left about the re balancing of constituencies. They have gerrymandered and manipulated the inner city system and are realising the game is up. Cue much hysteria.

High point had to be Dave's put down of Balls as the "new Alf Garnett of politics" though there was no subtle smack down of Harman like last week sadly. Balls's face after that was a classic though. The lack of Clegg is a good thing - a broad range of backbench questions certainly makes for a more interesting debate.

An uneventful no score draw though.


UPDATE: Late in the session Dave said the England flag will be flying over Downing St for the World Cup. So nice having a Prime Minister that the sporting world doesn't have to pray won't endorse a team or wish good luck in match. So long curse of Jonah.

Getting the Hang of this Polling Lark

Last week,

KeepRightOnline

and TB launched the second straw poll to ascertain the membership favourite for Conservative Future Chairman. A vote is likely to take place toward the end of the summer, and we’ve seen some keen beans off the mark already. Keen bean KRO takes a look at what this all means...

Overwhelmingly, it seems the membership favourite at this point is none of the above, followed by Michelle Donelan current National Executive Press Officer and ex-PPC in Wentworth. Michelle received 15% of the vote, while her closest competitor was none other than some randomer Mr. Harry Cole (11%). (Ed: not going to happen by the way.)

A less than convincing performance for Exec members Chris Hampsheir and Patrick Sullivan, though that’s not to say they’re down or out yet. It’s still all to play for. The middle of the field is tight with the Murdoch pole climber Oliver Cooper pulling in 3rd, Newcy lass Emma Carr in 4th and NUS wannabee Kit (Friend) on the block in 5th. Ben Howlett, who announced his candidacy on Wednesday pulls in 6th place with 8% of the vote – nearly half that of the current favourite. An honourable mention goes to Andy Peterkin, who despite months in the wilderness has commanded 25 votes. Sure he’d say something along the lines of that being proof that there are 25 conservatives left in CF.

What’s interesting is that once again, there are a huge chunk of ‘Other’ votes – going primarily to the relatively anonymous ‘Simon Cavalier-Jones’, who when considered, pulls in 78 votes, pushing him into a healthy second place. Once again, the comedians were out as, ‘The Sexiest Totty’, ‘Scrap CF’ and ‘Al Cooling’ got write-in votes. This time around we asked who should be Deputy Chairman, too. The results of this once again put Michelle Donelan in front (14%), Emma Carr in on 13%, Harry Cole on 11% and Cooper and Friend level on 10%.

Chew that over kids. Wonder if Tweetminster reckon they could predict the result.

And They're Off

A press release from Ben Howlett's "Press Officer"... In TB's day people sent their own pres... ok ok he won't start:

At 5pm this afternoon an email was sent to the Conservative Party Co-Chairmen Baroness Warsi and Andrew Feldman, declaring that I would be standing as a potential candidate for the position of National Chairman of Conservative Future.

While I know that the election has not officially been called, the campaign appears to have started in earnest. Michael Rock has had a fantastic term of office and I would be proud to succeed him.

Over the weekend an email was sent to over 600 Branch Chairman and Executive Members across the country under the message of “Conservative Future – Your Voice”. I wanted to find out what matters most to Conservative Future members across the country from Aberdeen to Brighton, Wrexham to West Cornwall. These were contact details I have collected over the last 5 years of my involvement in Conservative Future as the President of Durham University Conservative Association and as a Branch Chairman in Essex. The intention was to find out what mattered most to members before I decided to stand for the position of Chairman.

I have only had positive feedback so far, a few people have asked me “why on earth do you want to?” but even they believe I will do a good job, so I would like to take this opportunity to prove them right.

The hundreds of responses to my email so far have all been extremely valuable. These responses will become the basis of a manifesto that will enable their views to be implemented. I will continue this continual engagement by spending the following months meeting branch members across the country, asking them their concerns and ideas.

I promise that I will try my best to reinstate a grassroots organisation and creating an organisation ideologically led by the members, that is why I intend to give Conservative Future back it’s voice.

Interesting he chooses to discuss the positive feedback from the email sent to grassroots hacks. Not sure the Essex councillor would like to read some of the emails TB got about it. TB will let the inevitable cat-fighting run its course without fuelling the fire just yet. Apparently there is some Labour leadership contest on too. Pah.

PMQs Review - Primes Minister's Answers

A low key start for PMQs, but immediately it was clear that Cameron was careful to be seen to be answering questions given he attacked his predecessor so often for failing to give a straight answer. It was refreshing to see that when he didn't have an answer, instead of spouting reams of tractor stats he simply said he wasn't going to make something up on the spot and would get back to them.

Harman didn't seem as comfortable at the box as she was last week at the Queens Speech debate. Her tactics became clear immediately - she will go every week on the few things that Clegg and Cameron disagree on. A nice touch but will get old very quickly. It seems she will use these few opportunities in the limelight to push her warped sexist agenda which will of course provide a little light relief. She was sticking to a script and if she wants  to do well at these bouts she has to be able to break away from the prepared lines - something she was incapable of doing today.

The times they are a'changing. The Commons was calm and people were paying attention. Could well have been to do with the horrendous news breaking from Cumbria or are we seeing a new type of PMQs. Nearly half of the MPs are new members who would have watched the tired old scenes of the last Parliament's PMQs and know how off putting those scenes were. Will they be able to keep it up though? We shall see...

A win for Dave? Yes, but it was hardly a battle. Nice smack down on Harman's last question... more please.

Runners and Riders

CCHQ will be pleased that there is a big field so far for Chairman of Conservative Future. What could possibly go wrong?

These lot haven't declared officially but TB has seen or heard the makings of their campaigns from:

Michelle Donelan
Ben Howlett
Kit Friend
James Morton
Simon Cavalier-Jones

Rumoured:
Patrick Sullivan
Oli Cooper

Fund-raising has started, though because the campaign is over the summer there will be none of the usual tactic of going to university braches, getting everyone drunk and promising them the world. Candidates are going to have to actually think up new ways of reaching out.

Little disappointed not to see Emma Carr on the list.

The straw poll is still running

.

Decided first week of September apparently.

A Law Unto Himself

It could just be wishful thinking after a delightful rosé fuelled afternoon rolling around in the garden, dressed up as a commando, with a six and four year old - but flicking through analysis and comment tonight, TB gets the feeling that things are aligned for a swift return for Mr Laws. Michael Moore shouldn't get too cosy in the Scotland Office.

The Prime Minister's reply to Law's resignation letter was unconventionally warm and the choice of Danny Alexander as a replacement for the Chief Secretary job is mind boggling. If the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner taps Laws on the knuckles, or clears him, could we see the former head of communications for the Cairngorms National Park, Danny Alexander, a man of no discernible talent or economic ability, return from whence he came and Mr Laws pick up his axe from where he left off? Fingers crossed.

There are four must read pieces that have emerged in the last 24 hours re David Laws:

Fraser Nelson

says

:

This whole story is a tragedy. No one, in any party, can doubt that an honourable and able man has gone. Those who had wanted fast fiscal consolidation have lost a trusted advocate. The government will be all the weaker for it.

James Forsyth

follows

his boss:

The other person in the government who could do the job—Phillip Hammond—can’t because he is a Tory and the role is reserved for a Lib Dem. With the best will in the world, it is hard to imagine that Danny Alexander will be able to do the job with the ability that Laws was doing it.

Matthew Parris is

bang on the money

:

Of course Mr Laws made an error of judgment. Hundreds of MPs have cocked up badly as parliamentarians scramble to keep abreast of violent and bewildering changes in the national mood. The present Defence Secretary handed back £22,000 in March. Hundreds have made repayments.

Meanwhile, other MPs across the United Kingdom are living, with a declared partner, in accommodation wholly or partially funded by the taxpayer — entirely within the rules.

Even old lefty Sir Michael White is

upset

:

So I regret his going and hope the Telegraph's more thoughtful readers are as unimpressed as I am. Perhaps the newspapers really are losing the plot in their – our – battle to retain sales share.

Bad Day for Country, Coalition and Telegraph

Last year The Telegraph undertook a fantastic public service in blowing the lid off the murky cover-up of MPs expenses. Without bias they gave all barrels to all guilty politicians of all colours. However it seems they haven't been quite as open and honest in their tactics as it first seemed. Why did they not unveil these details about David Laws when they were orgasmically pushing their "Expenses Files" a year ago? Could it have been that it wasn't quite deemed a big enough story? A minor infraction of the letter of the rules rather than some of the shameless abuse and flagrant fraud that went on elsewhere? Could it be that Mr Laws was clearly not gaining financially from the situation, in fact taking a cheaper option than renting his own flat? Or could it be that they are now willing to do someone's dirty work using their information to carry out political vendettas?

It now seems The Telegraph are happy to play politics with their small, but very powerful, memory stick. Since Laws became Chief Secretary hacks have seemed desperate to out him. TB hopes Holly Watt and Robert Winnett are feeling very smug and happy tonight. There is no doubt this story would have been tiny if the underlying aim hadn't been pointing a finger and screaming "SECRET GAYER!" If you have any doubt look at the headline of the original story. "Treasury chief David Laws, his secret lover and a £40,000 claim" - a sensationalist outburst worthy of the tabloids with a very carefully chosen order for the allegations. As for the £40k figure? TB can't get his head round that either - it was legal to pay rent to a dubiously named "partner" until 2006. So between 2001 and then Laws was claiming legally. So presumably the £40k figure mentioned included those legal payments. Though this is hardly surprising given the fact the story was a thinly disguised excuse at outing Laws.

It is no surprise that The Telegraph won the race to expose - they are now abusing their position as the leading light in the expenses fight. Without access to those files they wouldn't have the crucial name of the landlords, but it beggars belief that they found the link by themselves. Still the expenses scandal drags on, but now more viciously than the infringements deserve. The Telegraph need to release the rest of the expenses files so this scandal, thought dead, can be buried once and for all. The drip drip has to stop - it is fundamentally unfair- damn them all or damn none, don't play politics with timing and picking and choosing victims to fit agendas.

The economic security of the country has been undermined by The Telegraph's ego and flogging of a dead horse. The General Election was meant to clear the air, but it seems the Telegraph are still sitting on much much more than they let out originally. A line needs to be drawn under this scandal and if Laws's position was untenable, the many of the blue and red front-benches should also be hounded out of office too. But hold on, they weren't choosing to keep the fact that they were gay out of the soiled pages of the newspapers.

One thought that TB can't get out of his head is this whole affair reeks of a stitch up. Who tipped The Telegraph to the name of the landlord/boyfriend? Who might have know about the former Chief Secretary's expense arrangements? Former deputy leaders and presidents of parties are privy to that sort of information about their MPs. Who is on internal party manoeuvres? Who is in cahoots to see the left of Liberal Democrats have a stronger voice? Who are more opposed to the right-wing Laws than the likes of Vince Cable and Simon Hughes, both rocking the boats behind the scenes. Just sayin'.

As you might be able to tell TB is still seething about the fact Laws had to go though he sees why this honourable man felt he should go. Yes he was stupid, but on the scale of the expenses scandal this was not a resigning issue. His swift return is needed for the country and coalition, the figures being discussed for Laws pale in comparison to the figures he was slicing off the deficit. Osborne put it perfectly that he seemed to be put on the earth to undertake the drastic reforms and cuts needed to the state, Danny Alexander looks like a simpleton in comparison and there is no way the Emergency Budget is going to be as successful as it would have been under Laws's careful eye. Laws in the Treasury was by in far the best thing about this coalition and now that has been shattered.  In a desire for a quick scoop and cheap thrill The Telegraph have really blundered this time. Two people that are sadly missed - Will Lewis and David Laws.

♫ And you're working for no one but me... ♫

Taxman!

Kiddy Polling

Keen bean

Keep Right Online

has prepared another poll for the Conservative Future election. TB hears that the ballot won't be for awhile, but the handover is ideally planned for conference.

There is some debate that the whole thing should be done online to save money on mailing out 20,000 ballot papers. TB is inclined to agree. Apparently this is "unconstitutional" though. Seeing as the constitution has been ignored for the last ten years why the sudden concern?

Either way,have your say on who you will back here:

www.conservativefuture.info

The site will be polling for a week.

Quote of the Day - Tin Foil Hat Edition

"I'm also of sound mind; it's the situation that's crazy"

-The water tight defence of definitely-not-a-nutter Tim "

Manic

" Ireland who proves he isn't an obsessive by sending two thousand word long emails.

Winner

"I wonder if I could persuade David Laws to defect to the democrats"

Congratulations to

"Uncle Bob"

who wins the tickets to tonight's debate. Email TB Bob and he will sort you out with Intelligence2.

A Win Win Situation, Sort Of

Given Obama seems to have enough problems trying to fix a hole, who knows how he will react if North Korea shell Seoul. Tomorrow evening

Intelligence2

in collaboration with BBC World News will be hosting a debate at the Methodist Hall. "Obama’s foreign policy is a gift to his enemies" could get pretty heated.

Speakers for the motion are:

General Jack Keane
Retired four-star general, former
Vice Chief of Staff of the US Army
and a key strategist in Iraq.

Bill Kristol
Conservative political commentator,
and founder and editor of The
Weekly Standard magazine.

Con Coughlin
Executive foreign editor of the
Telegraph and expert on the Middle
East and Islamic terrorism.

And against...

Simon Schama
Professor at Columbia University,
broadcaster, critic and contributing
editor at the Financial Times.

Bernard-Henri Lévy
France's leading philosopher and a
publisher, novelist, journalist and
filmmaker.

Philip Bobbitt
Herbert Wechsler Professor of
Federal Jurisprudence at Columbia
Law School.

It will be chaired by Zeinab Badawi one of the  BBC World News presenters. Full details about the event can be found

here

.

TB has a couple of tickets worth £50 up for grabs for the wittiest person who tells us before tomorrow lunchtime what POTUS is thinking...

Stephen "Fairy" Pound

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Stephen Pound is a foul mouthed bruiser. You should have heard him at the otherwise serene

Parliamentary Pancake race

. So what a

surprise

:

"Labour MP Stephen Pound has been accused of calling Arsenal’s former England defender Sol Campbell a “fairy” during a recent Premier League football match.

The recently re-elected Labour politician is said to have made the homophobic remark when his football team, Fulham, failed to overcome rivals Arsenal during a game at the Emirates Stadium in North London, last weekend.

The 61-year-old was heard making a string of offensive remarks whilst ranting from his £35,000-a-year executive box."

Charming. Cue lefty outrage.. oh wait.. no, silence? Of course.

What You Pay For

Here's a corker from a

BBC hack

. Right now beeboids are having lessons on how to use... wait for it.. Twitter:

Maybe Osborne and Laws should be sent round to White City with their axe.

Nice Work...

If you can

get it:

IPSA - while meant to be cleaning up MPs expenses has had a PR disaster of a first week back at school. No wonder they need a spinner, but is paying them more than an MP really appropriate?

Polls'n'Stuff

Look away now if you don't care, but if traffic levels are anything to go by on that poll last week the CF traffic on this site is more than ever. Over to

KRO

for some analysis.

So, the poll’s closed and the results are in.  Non-Conservative Party member Sara Scarlett (ineligible) has romped home to victory in our straw poll in association with ToryBear.com.  But what do the results really tell us?

Firstly, it appears some people on all sides had people attempting to rig the results in their favour.  It’s a good thing we weren’t born yesterday.  The candidates may or may not have known about these attempts but nonetheless the results you see in front of you reflect the polling after duplicates (triplicates, decuplicates etc) were factored out.

Secondly, the vote seems to tell us that the ‘Other’ category for write-in candidates will command a huge portion of the real results, which is thought to be put to vote in September.  Many people are undecided, while some write-in candidates include:

-  Andy Peterkin

-  Tory Bear 

-  Rowan Cole (?)

And a few people thought they were funny, with Margaret Thatcher, Obo the Clown, A Low-Fat Yoghurt and ‘Scrap CF’ being called to stand.  One that tickled this editor was ‘Tory Twat Bear’.  Some people are far too witty.

Thirdly, of those eligible to stand, it looks like Emma Carr has the momentum at this point.  The North-Eastern lass is well known for her effective and tireless activism.  Disappointments may be in store for some potential candidates who thought they would have been able to sweep the board on this one. Time will tell.

T'wireless

TB will be on LBC for an hour at eight. You can listen

here

.

Utter Balls

TB was gearing up to rip chunks out of this vomit inducing piece on the

Guardian website

by Ellie Gellard:

I am well aware that Ed Balls is not the most popular candidate for Labour leader. Vilification by the rightwing press has led to an image of Balls which many who know him personally, many of whom I’ve spoken to, do not recognise. This will be an opportunity for the public to see the real Ed. Quite simply, it will be a cold day in hell when Labour party members choose our leader based on his popularity in the sections of the media we rightly loathe. Ed has the hunger, the drive and the fire in the belly to lead our party back into Downing Street. It is perhaps just that which the rightwing media fear.

However it seems

Toby Young

has beat him to it:

Allow me to correct this misapprehension. The truth is that most rightwing commentators would dearly love to see Ed Balls as the next Labour leader. Not only does he come across badly on television – a Stalinist thug trying, unsuccessfully, to seem human – but he’s fatally tainted by his close association with Gordon Brown. He would be a terrible electoral liability, worse even than the insufferably smug Diane Abbott. Next to him, Michael Foot seems positively Churchillian.

The problem is. he produces such an instant, visceral dislike that we find it impossible to stop ourselves pointing out how ghastly he is. We all recognise, I think, that we should either keep quiet or relentlessly attack his politics, allowing the Ellie Gerard’s of this world to portray him as the leadership candidate we fear the most. But we simply can’t repress our violent hatred of the man. To adapt a phrase of Edward Heath’s, he is the unacceptable face of socialism.

What he said.